Awakening

I recently had a major, life-changing breakthrough revelation which I don't have time to get into writing about now, but I will soon. It's related to moving to NYC, but beyond that, and very exciting. With this breakthrough, as things long blurred or hidden become clearer, I am feeling a heightened energy, and sense of power to shape my own reality, and a deeper self-knowledge than ever before.

Tonight, I participated in a special midnight yoga workshop at Yoga District, with DJ-ed music and cosmic lighting to boot. I felt great, like I gave the class my 100%, practicing with passion and enthusiasm, and then in the next moment, realized how lagging and not 100% my practice had been as of late. Before this awakening. The contrast was stark.

This was the first time I truly understood through experience--though I have heard teachers talk about it many times--that yoga practice is not merely a tool to improve your well-being, but an assessment tool. When I was down in spirit, my practice reflected that. Now that my spirit is so high it might even be off the imaginary chart, my practice reflects that in the other direction. It is sheer joy to practice yoga in this spirit, just as it is to do everything else.

I'll explain why soon. I promise. But it's 2am and I have to teach yoga in seven hours, immediately followed by a trip to NYC in preparation for my move, so I should probably get some sleep. I haven't been doing much of that as of late...

So Long, DC

For the second time in relatively recent history, I have gotten the thing that I have spent a long time wishing, hoping, and praying for, and had the same very surprising reaction to it: tears, sadness, loss, fear. The first time was when my house finally sold, after almost a year on the market. The second was on Wednesday, when I got offered a job in NYC.

Instead of the ecstatic reaction I was anticipating from myself, especially in light of the fact that I have wanted to move to NYC for as long as I can remember, and knew in my heart it was coming soon (evidenced by the blog post I wrote to that effect exactly two months before), I was overwhelmed by a profound sadness.

Because getting the thing I have wanted means giving up what I have now. And despite the fact that I know what I have here is supposed to end, that DC isn't the last stop on the train, when confronted with the reality of that end, I look around and am saddened.

I'm going to miss my friends here.

With the house, it was a little different, more like a book I had spent a long time reading, with a disappointing ending, and all of a sudden it was just over. Instead of being glad--though I was--I reflected on that house, all the hopes and energy that had drawn me to it in the first place, all of the sadness and difficult lessons I learned in my time owning it, and then it was just gone. None of those things were resolved at the end.

But I guess that's what happens with expectations and attachments. If selling the house is desired result, then that is the actual outcome. Expecting something above that, some kind of emotional relief, or healing, is too much to expect. That has to come from somewhere else. Like inside of you. And probably has nothing to do with the selling of the house. It has to do with acceptance, and forgiveness, and letting go, not of physical property, but of the emotional story connected to it, the judgements about it, the regrets. Selling the house has nothing to do with any of those things, at all.

Leaving DC, or rather, moving to NYC after 20 years of pining after it, may summon similar emotional expectations. I need to focus on experiencing it, rather than expecting it to resolve anything, mindful of the tendency to attach emotional expectations to physical changes.

Yet, emotions are present as I prepare to leave: gratitude, excitement, and sadness.

Beautiful Weekend

I had the most beautiful weekend. Friday night, my friends Mary and Kate came over and we had dinner and played music together. Saturday morning, I assisted with a by-donation yoga class to benefit Girls on the Run which was held on the grass next to the Washington Monument. Although it was much earlier than I would have normally been anywhere on a Saturday morning, it was amazing to be there with my dear friend Marissa, who I met through teacher training, as she led the outdoor class on this glorious morning. I spent the rest of Saturday practicing music -- some major breakthroughs on my guitar playing (hey, it's only been 13 years), took Stella for a walk through Malcolm X/Meridian Park, and ended with participating in a yoga class, also led by Marissa. Sunday was another day of yoga -- both in and out of doors -- music, and friends. And it was beautiful outside. There is nothing like doing yoga outside. Instead of using a speck on the wall as your drisde, or focus point, during balancing poses, you can use a cloud. Or the Washington Monument.

I focused on appreciating the beauty, the joy, of these experiences, knowing that they were fleeting. Now that the weekend is over, I will have to let go of the attachment to that pleasure and be equally present in the duties of this week.

Will keep you posted on how that goes. :)